True girlfriends are hard to find and sometimes keep. The select group of girls we count on when we’re going through something tough or the ones we want to call anytime something crazy happens are far and in between. But, with all the comforts that come with having great friends, there’s also the inevitable experience of disappointment once you discover that the friendship you thought would last forever, ends. Don’t worry, we’ve all been through this, so this blog is here to help you navigate your way through it.
Girlfriends come and go throughout our lives and over time you just learn that everyone we choose to spend time isn’t necessarily our friends. Some people are just fun to be around for the moment and that’s okay. Friendships don’t have to be cultivated just because you go to school with a person or you meet them at an outing. So, what do you call these small encounters? Nothing. Take the pressure off yourself. You simply met someone and enjoyed being around them, but it doesn’t mean that you’re friends even if that encounter reoccurs on multiple occasions. Webster defines the word friend as one attached to another by affection or esteem (FRIEND Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster). This attachment doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to develop authentic and real friendships.
Once you lock in on a friend’s group, it can be difficult to find your existance again without it. Here are a few tips to help ease the process.
Consider why the friendship ended. Just about every parent on the planet has said, “that is not your friend!” We hated to hear it but can’t deny its truth. Parents can often see beyond our affections for someone. Ask yourself the following question. Were you able to be your authentic self around this person or did you find yourself making adjustments in order to fit in? If someone doesn’t want your company unless you’re willing to alter who you really are, then that person isn’t your friend, and you shouldn’t expect for them to be around for long. If it ended because they chose to no longer contact you, sometimes rejection is redirection. Do you really want a fly by night person being in your personal space? This short answer is no.
Enjoy getting to know yourself again without the mix of others. We often get lost in groups of different personalities. This may be the perfect time to think about the person who you want to be and reevaluate self. What are your academic goals? What career field can you see yourself in? We can get so lost in friendships that we forget about our family. Is there someone who you haven’t spoken to that you could potentially reach out to. Believe it or not, our elderly family members love a call or quick visit here or there without requesting it.
Please don’t think you’re alone in this. Friendships beginning and ending is apart of life. Remember that no matter the reason, you’re special and the right friendship or friendships will come along with time. Define yourself first and then allow them to happen naturally.
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